Thoughts About My Mom

It’s all different now.
She can’t remember what to do
or exactly how to do it.
Instead of round matzoh balls
we got matzoh ball mush.

And she called and said,
you better come over quick
we have a lot to do.

It’s hard watching this happen,
and I’m not sure,
I remember my mother before,
when she was
in charge of herself more,
when she didn’t ask me
the same questions over and over again
and when she remembered more.

I can’t say it’s all bad
because she’s more relaxed.
She’s not as critical,
she doesn’t dye her hair anymore,
BUT she doesn’t remember
how to make matzoh balls.

How is it?
How do you get that way
to be so confused?
How do you lose your mind?
What is it that’s happening
and why don’t you get
that it’s really happening
when it does?

I guess the truth
is too hard to take.
Isn’t that the problem anyway?
That’s why people
lose their minds,
because the truth
is too hard to take,
and your coping mechanisms
have dissolved.
And the truth is
too hard to take.
And you can’t make things
the way you want them anymore
and the truth,
is too hard to take.

So you find your safety
and your balance
in the way things look perhaps
and figuring out what’s in all the bags
and what’s on the chair and,
“Get that off the dining room table,
it doesn’t belong there.”

And that’s what brings security
the TV playing in the background
familiar faces
familiar foods
letting your hair go gray now
a letting go of sorts,
letting go of hair dying
and going out every day,
not wanting to go out much at all.

“But you have to come here now
because we have a lot to do.”

So what do we have to do?
We’re not making
gefilte fish this year
but we do have to
pack up,
come to terms with our lives.

We do have to find some way
to make peace with ourselves,
our world
and the people in our lives,
the people that surround us.

That’s a lot to do.
Maybe it’s easier to
make gefilte fish,
but this year
we’re not doing it
and that’s OK.

I miss the strength
of my mama’s soul,
but it’s OK.

Everything changes,
and that, my dear,
is something to
make peace with.

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Read more by Hinda Blum.