Customer Service
1960s: Shoe Store
“Hello. My name is Roger. May I help you?”
“Yes, thank you. I’m looking for a pair of dressy heels to wear to a wedding.”
“Do you know what color?”
“It’s a summer wedding, so maybe something in a tan or beige? My dress is blue with beige trim, so I guess that would be the best color.”
“OK then. Please have a seat, ma’am. I think we have a wonderful selection for you. I’ll measure your foot and bring out some of our latest styles for you to try on.”
2024: Big Box Shoe Warehouse
“Excuse me, but I really like these Reeboks. But I can’t find my size.”
“You might want to double check because sometimes the boxes get mixed up.”
“I did but I don’t see this style in my size. Can you call the Timonium store to see if they have it?”
“You’ll have to ask the manager to help you with that. I’m busy with other customers.”
“Okay. Where is the manager?”
“She’s at lunch.”
“Until what time?”
“I dunno. Maybe another hour or so. You can wait around if you want.”
“No thanks.”
1960s: Newspaper Delivery
“Hi, Mrs. Smith. My name is Jeffrey. I live about six blocks away and I’m your new paperboy. I promise to deliver your paper every morning by 7. Here’s my phone number if you don’t get the paper or if it’s damaged.”
“Why, Jeffrey. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Thank you so much for the phone number, and good luck with your paper route. Aren’t you resourceful!”
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Smith. Don’t forget—I’ll come by at the end of the month for payment. See you then! Have a great month!”
2024: Newspaper Delivery
Once again, the paper does not come by 9 a.m. It’s time to call customer service at 443-555-5555.
The recorded message says something like this: “You have reached the Sunpapers Customer Service line. Do you know that you can manage your account online? You can report a complaint, put a temporary hold on your delivery, change your address or even pay your bill online at baltimoresun.com/customerservice.”
Next, are options for specific problems. “If you are calling about a missing paper or damaged paper, please say ‘delivery.’ If you wish to place a temporary hold on your paper, please say ‘temporary hold.’ If you wish to manage your subscription, say ‘manage subscription.’ If you need help with something else, say ‘something else.’ ”
The other day, the recording also said this: “We are experiencing delivery problems. We will deliver your paper as soon as possible. There might be a 24-hour delay before you receive your paper.”
Wow! Just what I want to do – read yesterday’s paper the next day.
1950s: Package Delivery
Ding dong… the postman is at the door. “Hi, Mrs. Smith. This package came for you. I’m glad you are home to receive it.”
“Thank you, Harold. Who is sending me a package? I never receive packages. It’s not my birthday! What would you have done if I wasn’t home?”
“No problem. I’d leave a slip for you to pick up the package at the post office. And by the way, if you don’t want those pretty, unusual stamps, can you leave them for me in your mailbox?”
2024: Package Delivery; a recent experience
This message came via email from FedEx, which I read at 9:30 p.m. on a Saturday night: “We delivered your package at 12:38 p.m. Thank you for your business.”
We didn’t get a package; I was expecting something on Monday but not on Shabbat. I immediately forwarded the email to the vendor. Shortly, the following was in my inbox:
“We have looked into your order and upon tracking your order, it confirms that the package was delivered via FedEx on 07/27/24 at 12:38 PM to the following address:
My name & address
We kindly ask that you check with any other members of the household in the event they’ve accepted the package on your behalf. We also recommend checking with FedEx for any further information they may be able to provide.
For your convenience, the tracking number in question is 9261293150330769811435.” (This is the actual tracking number.)
The next day, I googled “how to track a missing FedEx package.” Unfortunately, the very clear instructions are for the vendor, not the recipient.
Believing I could find what I needed online, I opened the www.gethuman.com website. Yes! A 1-800 number for FedEx. The page even said that Sunday was a good day to call.
However, if a human was around to answer the phone, he or she wasn’t picking up. A recording asked for the tracking number, which I entered. As you can see above, it’s a very long number. According to the recording, my package was (successfully) delivered to (my address) at 12:38 p.m. on Saturday.
I then tried a chat on the FedEx website. The chat, probably a bot, replied if the customer didn’t get the package, it’s not their problem; call the vendor. Didn’t the vendor email tell me to contact FedEx? Besides, according to FedEx, the package was delivered to my address at 12:38 p.m.
After spinning my wheels for 45 minutes and getting nowhere, I had an “ah ha” moment. Maybe I should open a FedEx account and become a customer.
To open the account, FedEx gladly took my credit card number, of course for a $1 charge. The $1 would be refunded once the credit card information was validated.
Surprise! When I logged into my new account, set up a password, etc., etc., a photo of my porch-delivered package appeared on the screen. The only problem was…it was the wrong porch.
It did look familiar, however. And even though it was a hot afternoon, I spent 20 minutes walking through the neighborhood looking for the house. Finally, I spotted my package on the porch of (my neighbor’s address). I rang the doorbell; no one was home. No car was in the driveway on Sunday and in the photo from Saturday. Lucky for me, my package that spent 24 hours on the wrong porch wasn’t stolen.
So much for FedEx; so much for customer service.
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Read more by Eileen Creeger.