Caring Sarah

Sarah brushed the chestnut brown curls out of her eyes. “I guess I should have tied my hair up in a bun,” she thought. A light wind blew as she sat at a table in the tiny outdoor bistro. It was so close to the ocean that Sarah could smell the salt.

Where was he? She had been waiting for 20 minutes with no sign of Oliver. He was supposed to meet her so they could discuss their rocky relationship. Figures, he was late for this date. As the time ticked away, Sarah’s anger grew.

She heard a far-off siren. Her annoyance grew, and Sarah sent a text. “Where R U?”

She ordered a drink to calm her nerves. “Vodka cranberry, please,” she said when the waiter arrived smiling down at her. Sarah silently wondered how this guy treated his girlfriend or wife.

She glanced at her phone. No response. Perfect. 

Her drink arrived and the waiter, whose name tag read Jeff, could sense Sarah’s mood. 

“No word on your date?” he asked.

She looked down at the phone and slowly shook her head with a sigh.

“Don’t worry too much,” Jeff said, “a pretty girl like you won’t have any trouble replacing him.”

She smiled warily and took a huge drink. The alcohol hit her system quickly as she forgot to eat lunch today. Her job as a web designer at a law firm kept her jumping all day. She often forgot about her own needs. It was just like her relationship with Oliver.

Sarah wondered why she gave herself to him with all her emotions. Oliver didn’t deserve it. He was always late, for one thing. He didn’t even think about her feelings. “I’m so done with this man,” Sarah muttered, not even caring if anyone overheard.

She finished her drink and paid Jeff, the waiter. Sarah Collins was not going to waste her evening sitting here moping over a poorly made vodka cranberry. Since she lived nearby, she walked, thinking she would ride back to her place with Oliver. 

“I guess I’m hoofing it,” she thought to herself. And off she went. Sarah’s long, tan legs took quick strides down the sidewalk. The 15-minute walk wasn’t bad, and the alcohol had helped tone down the anger.

The sun started to set, and the sky was vibrant with pink and orange. It was beautiful. Too bad she was watching it all alone.

When Sarah fished her key out of her pocket and unlocked the door to her small apartment, she was angry again. Where was that asshole? She checked her phone again, thinking maybe she didn’t feel the vibration while walking. Nope. Nothing.

Sarah kicked her shoes off, plopped down in front of the TV, and turned it on to watch the evening news. There was a bad accident right near the restaurant. That must have been the siren she heard.

She lit a small fire in the fireplace. It was October and the nights were getting chilly. 

Sarah watched the flames dance in front of her. It almost put her into a trance. Fire was so beautiful that way. The colors and the movement, it was all very hypnotic.

The shrill ring of the house phone brought Sarah from her deep thoughts.

“Ms. Collins? Sarah Collins?” a woman’s voice said.

“Yes,” Sarah answered, curious as to what this was about. The caller ID had a number, but no name.

“I’m calling from the Ocean City hospital,” the voice said.

“Yes…” Sarah said, hesitating slightly. A million thoughts were going through her head at once. What was this about?

“We have a patient here and you are listed as his emergency contact,” the voice said matter-of-factly.

“What? Who?” Sarah didn’t know what to say. She was confused, her head spun. Was it the remains of the alcohol in her system or the perplexing conversation? No, the alcohol was long gone. She was rarely at a loss for words, so this was new territory.

“Oliver Ross. He’s a patient here,” the voice explained. “He was brought in from a traffic accident by the ocean.”

“Oh, no! He was on his way to meet me.” Sarah was more frantic now.

Her stomach turned. As rotten as Oliver was to her sometimes, she didn’t wish him physical harm. He did two tours of duty in Afghanistan, coming home with nothing worse than a few gory stories. He had been home for a month, and now he got hurt?

“Where should I go? Sarah asked. “I’ll leave right away.”

The voice gave her directions on where to go in the emergency department at the hospital. It sounded like Oliver was in pretty rough shape. Sarah was in shock.

Always thinking of work, she grabbed her laptop on the way out the door because she knew visitors spent a lot of downtime in hospitals. Hopefully, she could get some work done while she was there. 

Stone cold sober, Sarah jumped in her SUV and got to the hospital in just a few minutes.

After parking in the garage, Sarah snatched her laptop off the seat and headed for the hospital. She was nauseated and thinking the worst. She followed the maze of corridors with color-coded arrows on the floor and arrived at the desk where she was expected.

“Sarah Collins. I’m here for Oliver Ross,” she said, wide-eyed with fear. Tears were welling up in her eyes. This suddenly felt so real and unreal at the same time. She was terrified. Right now, she simply needed answers.

The nurse took her to a waiting area and offered Sarah a seat. Obediently, she sat. The nurse sat next to her. The room was empty except for the two women.

“WHAT?” Sarah needed answers and needed them now.

The nurse gave her a heartbroken look. “It’s bad. It’s very bad,” said the nurse.

Sarah looked at the nurse’s face. Her name tag said, Gail Ellery. Nurse Ellery seemed to be having a hard time figuring out what to say. This must be really horrible. Sarah’s heart sank. She was having feelings of regret, guilt and sorrow. She needed to know what was happening now.

Nurse Ellery said, “Mr. Ross’ car was T-boned while waiting to make a left-hand turn.”

She took a slow, deep breath. “His car was hit so hard that it was shoved into the next lane and hit by another vehicle. Mr. Ross has multiple broken bones, facial lacerations, internal bleeding, a damaged liver and is going to lose his spleen. They just took him up to surgery.”

So, she missed seeing him. Maybe for the last time. They probably wouldn’t have allowed her to visit him anyway.

“You can wait here,” Nurse Ellery continued. “It might be hours before he’s out of surgery. Cafeteria’s down one floor, follow the red arrows once you get there. Vending machines are down the hall to the right. There are some magazines and books in here.” She pointed to the bookshelves Sarah had not noticed until now.

“Thank you,” Sarah said as she looked around the desolate room. 

“Why do hospitals always look so depressing?” She wondered to herself as she sighed, shrugging off her jacket and looping it over the arm of a neighboring chair.

Time passed slowly. Sarah tried to do a little work but had a hard time finding her focus. Her blue eyes glistened as she thought about Oliver. What had they talked about last? Did they fight, as usual? They had decided to meet and make some big decisions. Should they stay together? Split up? Would he be faithful this time? She wished they had that one last conversation. If they clarified their relationship, she might know how to feel.

What? Did she doze off for a minute? Sarah’s head jerked forward. What time was it? The clock on the wall said it was 2:17 a.m. She sent off an email to her boss, saying she probably wouldn’t be in tomorrow, today really. She couldn’t explain the extent of Oliver’s injuries because she didn’t even know yet.

Groggy, Sarah walked out to the nurse’s station. Nurse Ellery did not seem to be around. Where was everyone? She took a breath and walked down the hall to the ladies’ room, where she washed her face with cold water and dried it. Her hair was all over the place. She didn’t care.

She looked at her mascara-blackened eyes in the mirror. Sarah loved Oliver. She really did. He was an ass sometimes, but he was always there when she needed him. Wasn’t he? Yes, they argued. But who didn’t? 

As she stared at herself, she thought of Oliver’s gray-blue eyes. He could be thoughtful when he wanted to be. He brought her flowers once on her birthday. She closed her eyes briefly and remembered how his lips felt on hers. His big, strong arms would hold her close and now they were lying limp in some surgical suite.

She splashed another handful of water on her face and grabbed a paper towel to blot her cheeks. Sarah’s eyes welled up again with tears, but this time, they spilled over and down her rosy cheeks. While she and Oliver argued, she didn’t want to live without him. The war changed him, but he was still her Oliver under the surface. Another sigh and she pulled the door; she was back in the hallway.

Sarah walked down to the waiting room. The nurse’s station still appeared to be deserted. She went back to her spot, grabbed her laptop and tapped out an email.

She didn’t know if Oliver would ever get to read it, but she felt the need to write it anyway.

Oliver,

I know we argue sometimes, but I truly love you. I don’t want our petty arguments to get in the way of our real feelings. I know you have some tough times ahead and I’m not going to push. I will be here when you are ready.

XOXO

Sarah

The note was short and to the point, as always. Sarah clicked “send.”

“Ms. Collins?” Sarah jumped. Nurse Ellery nearly frightened her out of her skin. 

“I’m so sorry!” Nurse Ellery apologized. “Surgery is over. Mr. Ross is in serious condition. The next 24 hours are the most critical. We’re all hoping for the best.”

“Can I see him?” Sarah asked quietly. “I promise I won’t disturb him. I just want to see his face.”

“Well, he suffered a lot of lacerations on his face. I’ll warn you about that.” Nurse Ellery said, her face serious. “I’ll take you down once they bring him to the room from the OR.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Sarah said. The tears were flowing now. Her body was racked with great heaves and sobs. Suddenly, this was all too real.

Nearly an hour later, Oliver was wheeled down to the ICU where two other people were also unconscious or sleeping. His face looked swollen with angry red bumps and stitched-up cuts. His eyes were shut and he was very still.

The room was quiet except for the sound of machines. The beeps and hums of equipment surrounding Oliver were loud and intrusive. The heart monitor blipped, and the respirator wheezed with inhales and exhales. Sarah was overwhelmed. She had never seen anyone attached to so much machinery, especially someone she loved.

Suddenly, she felt like she was going to faint. The room began to spin. She felt like her feet were made of jelly. Her well-toned legs wavered for a second. Sarah grabbed onto the arm of a chair and then collapsed into it.

The next thing she knew, Sarah was surrounded by the nursing staff. They brought her a cold compress for her forehead and raised her feet off the ground. She felt a little embarrassed by all of the attention when Oliver was there motionless except for the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“Please, don’t fuss over me!” Sarah begged the nurses. “I’m not the one who needs help.”

The tears began to fall again and Sarah buried her face in her hands. A tissue appeared before her. She grabbed it and blew her nose.

Sarah slowly stood up, Nurse Ellery held her left arm as she rose. As she continued to sob, Sarah held onto the bed rails that surrounded Oliver’s bed. Beeps and machine-generated breaths… That’s what she had to hold onto now. 

“The beeps and breaths will let me know he’s alive.” Sarah thought. 

She reached for Oliver’s hand and carefully held it in hers. It seemed so quiet, so still. Beeps and breaths. She looked at the machines; the squiggles danced across the monitor. They looked steady to Sarah, but what did she know?

“I’m here, Oliver,” Sarah spoke, barely a whisper. “I’m here and I’ll be here. You need to get better.”

Beeps and breaths. In and out. Squiggles on the monitor. Would this be her life for a while? For how long? What if he never wakes up? Beeps and breaths.

She didn’t know how long she stood there. And she didn’t notice when the nurses left her. Holding Oliver’s hand, she listened to the beeps and breaths. Looking up at the clock, it was 5:43 a.m. When did she arrive in the room? Was there any way to know how long she stood there?

Did his eye just flutter?

Sarah was out of the room in a flash, begging the nurses to come in and see Oliver’s eyes moving.

“Sorry, sweetie.” Nurse Ellery told her. “That is common when patients are out like this. It probably doesn’t mean anything.”

“But he wasn’t doing that before.” Sarah was pleading.

“I know,” Nurse Ellery said gently. “Let’s give him some time.”

The beeps and breaths continued the rest of the day and through the next night. Oliver did not wake. His eyes fluttered a few more times, but nothing else moved. No fingers waggled, no toes twitched. Nurses entered and exited. Sarah stayed in the room most of the time, tapping away on her keyboard. There were some things she could do for work from her laptop, but she was so exhausted it was hard to focus.

At some point, feeling like she was sleepwalking, Sarah went to the cafeteria. Not really hungry, she tried to put some food into her growling stomach. Thinking she might get hungry, she bought a sandwich and took it back to the room. She tossed the wrapped sandwich onto the chair, looked at Oliver and sat back down.

Sarah took a little break from the hospital and returned to the bistro where they were supposed to meet that night. This time she decided to sit inside the rustic restaurant. The same waiter appeared.

“Hi there.” Yep, it was the same guy, all right. The name tag said, Jeff. She ordered a vodka cranberry and an order of tortilla chips and salsa. She had not been eating much and didn’t want to drink on an empty stomach.

“Alone today?” Jeff asked innocently enough.

“Yes.” Sarah didn’t feel like talking.

She munched on the chips and salsa while reading a book on her iPad. It was a trashy novel, her favorite genre. But today, it just seemed silly. She kept reading the same page over and over without ever comprehending. At least it kept her mind occupied.

Finally, with her drink finished, she got up. She threw a few singles down for a tip, waved goodbye to Jeff and was on her way.

Sarah took a week’s vacation from work and spent it in the hospital. She went home for a few hours each night to shower and change clothes. She was beginning to look sick herself. 

Oliver didn’t move. He didn’t wake up. He didn’t do anything. His chest rose and fell. That was it. Oliver’s parents lived across the country in Oregon. They sent their best but didn’t make the trip. It was just Oliver and Sarah, and the beeps and breaths.

What was wrong with his parents? Didn’t they understand how serious this was? Yes, Oliver was a grown man of 28 years. He didn’t need his mother and father all of the time. But he was sick, maybe dying. She couldn’t imagine how they could be that way. Maybe that was why Oliver was the way he was.

Oliver cheated on Sarah. She caught him with his pants down – literally. For some reason, she forgave him. She knew the war changed people, making them do uncharacteristic things. Oliver lied to Sarah regularly. Once again, she forgave him. Another time, a small silver vase disappeared after one of Oliver’s visits. She knew he took it, didn’t understand why, but still knew he did it. He never admitted it and she forgave him for that, too. It was not the best relationship. But she thought they would get through this just like they got through everything else.

Sarah’s head nodded slightly. She was so tired. This hospital, its smells and sounds were getting to her. Soon she was asleep. 

She returned to the little restaurant where Jeff, the waiter, worked. He came over to the table and asked for her drink order. She asked for a vodka cranberry. Jeff came back, put the drink down on the table and sat down next to Sarah. He put his hands on either side of her face, looked into her blue eyes and said, “You deserve better.” Then he kissed her. Gently at first, then the kiss grew in intensity. Whew! It was getting hot in here…

Sarah’s head snapped forward and she woke up. Wow! That was a dream and a vivid one at that. She looked around and everything seemed normal. Oliver was beeping and breathing. There were no nurses around. She hoped that she hadn’t said anything out loud.

After a few hours, she left to change and shower. Sarah seemed to be settling into a routine. It was a horrible routine, but she was somehow getting used to this hospital thing. Sooner or later she would have to go back to work. This could not go on indefinitely. Bills had to be paid. Life continues even when someone is sick. For now, though, it was the hospital, home, shower, sleep and then back to the hospital.

Sarah had arrived back at the hospital on the eighth evening after the accident. Oliver’s eyes began to do their dance, but this time it was different. They opened a few times. Again Sarah summoned Nurse Ellery, who had become a dear friend after all this time spent together. Sarah began to call her by her first name, Gail.

She and Gail spoke regularly in hushed tones in the room and chatted louder out in the hallway. Sarah spent plenty of time talking to Oliver too. She told him that she loved him. Things would be different from now on. She would take care of him until he was better.

Gail gave a quick check of the machines and Oliver. Was he waking up after all this time? His pulse rate started to quicken. Oliver’s eyes opened but did not seem to focus on anything in particular.

Then, all hell broke loose. Beeeeeeeeeep! The machines all started going crazy. Gail called a code over the intercom. Oliver’s body rocked with jerks and spasms. His eyes were wild with terror. His arms were flapping and twitching.

Sarah was rushed out of the room and sent back into the waiting room where she had spent time so many days ago. Not knowing what she could do to help, Sarah was wringing her hands. She tried to think happy thoughts, but it was not easy.

“What could be happening?” Sarah wondered. “He’s been holding steady all of this time. He never got any better, but nothing like this happened before.”

Suddenly, medical staff came from all directions running into Oliver’s room. There was a flurry of activity. Equipment was rolled down the hallway and pulled into the room. Words were yelled, but Sarah couldn’t understand what was being said. There was loud talking and then nothing. The beeps and breaths had stopped. 

And just like that, Oliver was gone.

Sarah’s woeful sobs came loudly this time. She was in agony. How could this happen? He made it through the crucial 24-hour period after that first night. He made it through eight days. Why didn’t he get better? Those questions, just like the email Sarah sent that first night from the waiting room, would never be answered.

Picking up her belongings and tossing leftover food in the trash, Sarah headed back home. Feeling lost, she called Oliver’s parents. They demanded Oliver be returned to his native Oregon for a full military funeral. Of course, they had no time to talk to Sarah.

She built a raging fire in the fireplace and once more, Sarah watched the multi-colored flames dance. She would never see Oliver again. Never would she hold him again or feel his lips brush against hers. Sarah was beside herself with grief. How could she ever continue? It didn’t seem possible.

Once the flames died and the fire was out, Sarah felt like stretching her legs. She walked along the street, thinking about returning to the restaurant where Oliver never made it that fateful day. Times like these made her wish she had a little dog to take for long walks.

The weather was getting colder, and evenings were coming earlier. The wind had an icy edge to it as she walked. She picked up the pace. She walked into the dimly lit bistro and sat at a table. It didn’t look like Jeff the waiter was around this time. It was just as well. Sarah didn’t feel like company today.

Just when she thought he wasn’t working, there he was dressed in street clothes. Jeff said with a sparkle in his dark brown eyes. “You’re becoming my favorite customer.”

Sarah had to smile. She would not pour her guts out to this guy. But, he was very sweet. “Care to join me?” She asked.

Where did that come from? She just sent her boyfriend away to be buried in Oregon. What was she thinking? Her brain was a jumbled mess. At the moment, it seemed the right thing to do.

“Sure,” Jeff said with a raised eyebrow. “I just got out of the worst relationship. I had no plans for my day off, so I came here. How lame is that?”

Jeff smiled, and it went all the way up to his chocolate eyes. His straight white teeth gleamed, but not in an artificially whitened way. It was also an infectious smile.

Sarah smiled back. A laugh even escaped her lips.

“Sad thing is, I had nothing better to do.” Jeff shrugged.

“Same here,” she said, offering no further explanation.

None was needed. 

Please leave your comments below. 

Read more by Holli Friedland.