25 Ways to Recognize Little Old Lady Drivers

How can you recognize little old lady drivers? Easy.

1. If you don’t see a head above the head rest on the driver’s side, the car is being driven by a little old lady.
2. When the person in front of you is constantly tapping the brake even when the road ahead is clear, that car is being driven by a little old lady.
3. The person who is diligent about using a turning signal is always a little old lady driver.
4. Knowing that a stop sign means to stop fully is a regular habit of a little old lady driver.
5. Not taking a risk by going through the yellow light? That’s a little old lady driver.
6. Driving only short, familiar distances at night? Yes, that’s definitely a little old lady driver.
7. Little old lady drivers go the speed limit, especially on residential streets that are marked 25 miles per hour.
8. Little old lady drivers never, ever drive on the Beltway, unless it’s a life-and-death emergency.
9. The driver who goes out of her way to avoid left-hand turns is a little old lady driver.
10. There’s no sense in honking or flashing your lights at the little old lady who doesn’t always turn right on red. She’s not going to go until she’s 100% sure the coast is clear.
11. The driver who zooms past you at 50 miles per hour in a 30 miles per hour zone is not a little old lady driver.
12. A little old lady driver always accelerates when the light turns green because she is not on her phone.
13. The person who stops for pedestrians, because they do have the right of way, is a little old lady driver.
14. The driver who does not drive down the middle of a two-way street is a little old lady driver.
15. Minivans are not being driven by little old lady drivers.

See the lady clutching the steering wheel for dear life? That’s me, a little old lady driver!

Addendums by Ada

1. If the driver is happily tootling along, oblivious to those behind her and their frustrations, it’s a little old lady driver.
2. If everyone is trying to pass the first car in the one-lane road, that first car is being driven by a little old lady.
3. The 1980-something Oldsmobile tells you it’s a little old lady in front of you.
4. If the music coming out of the car is classical, the driver is a little old lady.
5. If the music coming out of a car is deafening — it’s definitely not a little old lady.
6. The red or graffitied hot rod in front of you is not being driven by a little old lady.
7. If the bumper sticker on the car in front of you has a suggestive meaning, the driver is not a little old lady.
8. If you’re being given the finger or cursed at, the driver is not a little old lady.
9. If the driver is smoking, that’s not a little old lady.
10. If it says “Baby on Board” or has cartoon figures of a family with small children, not a little old lady.

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Read more by Eileen Creeger.