The Love of My Life 

I always thought Stuart would outlive me even though he’s 4½ years older than I am. Why? Because he comes from a family of longevity. Neither of his parents had any serious illnesses and both lived well into their middle 90s.

My hubby was always healthy and active, ate nutritious food from all the food groups and never over-ate. His one vice was an occasional Berger cookie—a local product of a cake-like vanilla base covered generously with chocolate icing. Delicious and soooo worth the calories. 

On the other hand, my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 71. Because he was a man, he did not get the same treatment recommended for women. They removed his breast, and he was discharged. He lived four years without any follow-up and died after the cancer returned. 

When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, her breast was removed. She went three times a week for radiation therapy, and had regular follow-up appointments for a long time. How is this fair?  She lived to age 82, but was very unhappy after the loss of my dad. They were married 52 years. She died of a broken heart.

Stuart was the love of MY life! We’d both been married twice before and had three children; two for me, one for him. We were so in love–each other’s heartthrob! Though he was more of an introvert and I an extrovert–well, they say “opposites attract.” For us, this was the truth. He was great with bills, accounts, savings–all that math stuff! I was good with arranging things, making plans (though he made all the vacation plans). We took turns deciding at which restaurants to dine, but there were never issues because we both like the same restaurants. We did the same thing with movies, plays, vacations and other entertainment. 

When it came to exercise, I went to the gym, and he walked back and forth the upstairs hall while using his brilliant brain making plans for vacations, activities, or writing poems in his head to record later. His brain was amazing. He would recite things in his head and then write them down later after his walk! 

I, on the other hand, have to write down my thoughts immediately! Otherwise, they disappear, never to return! But write I did: a poem for every birthday, Valentine’s Day or anniversary. He also made cards for me. I don’t think either of us ever bought a card! The store-bought cards never said exactly the right thing. Because I’m a scrapbooker, the cards I made for Stuart were always decorated! He loved that.

We have three children: I have a son, Geoffrey, and a daughter, Laura. Stuart has a daughter, Meredith. Geoff is almost four years older than Laura who is one year older than Meredith. When we married, Geoff was finished school and working, Laura was in her first year of college, and Meredith in her last year of high school. I think it’s so adorable that Laura and Meredith married brothers. Talk about all in the family…

Our charmed life, however, did not stay charming forever. Three years ago, Stuart had a fall and couldn’t get up. I called 9-1-1. They came, took him to Northwest Hospital where he was diagnosed with having had a right-brain stroke, which affected the left side of his body. He was transferred to Sinai Hospital’s Rehab Unit where he got excellent care. After two weeks was transferred to Future Care where he received physical and occupational therapy. He did well, and after three months, came home. 

We had to get a rental bed because, though he practiced stairs in Future Care, he was still not strong enough to climb 13 steps. We hired an aide from Visiting Angels for four hours during the week to help with bathing and other hygiene. He also received both physical and occupational therapy a few days each week. On the days they did not come, he worked hard and made remarkable improvement! After about six months or so, he was discharged from therapy but continued to do all the exercises using the equipment the therapist left with him. We reduced nursing care to three times a week. His remarkable recovery and improvement made us both so happy.

However, our joy was short-lived. After almost a year, he had a second stroke affecting the right side of his body. Same drill: he fell, called 9-1-1, taken to Northwest Hospital where he stayed for about a week and was then transferred to Future Care. Again, Stuart worked hard, and after three months was discharged to home, continuing with PT and OT. After several months, home therapy was cancelled as he’d reached the maximum they could do for him. We continued with the aides, however, because I could not do everything for him. We did, however, stop the night aide as I was able to help him in the evenings.

After about eight months, Stuart had a third stroke. It was a milder one, probably because of a discovery we made. A few months after the second stroke, we were taking a closer look at the meds he had been taking for a long time after being diagnosed with prostate cancer. We discovered that a side effect of one of his meds was stroke! He stopped it immediately! 

I think that last stroke, though milder, really did him in. He was in a lot of pain, barely eating and always tired. He did go to the gym every day, but he couldn’t do much, though he did try. It was so painful for me to watch! I love him so much and seeing him in such terrific discomfort and not being able to do a thing about it… Well, there are no words.

After Stuart had been in Future Care for several weeks, I was visiting, and he could barely talk. It was just too much effort. If he was thirsty, he’d look at me with sad eyes and say in a husky whispered voice, “Thuusty.” I’d hold a cup of apple juice with a straw for him to suck some liquid. My heart cried, and it was difficult for me to hide the tears welling up.

The last time I visited, he wasn’t talking at all, but he didn’t need to. I looked in his eyes and already knew. I kissed him and then lay down with my back to his front. He put his left arm around me for a wonderful hug and whispered, “I love you.” I squeezed his hand and could feel my tears welling, but I wiped them away.

When I left, I allowed my tears to fall. The next day, Meredith called me at 8:00 in the morning. When I saw her name on Caller I.D., I already knew…

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Read more by Linda Miller.