America’s Favorite Game Show, “What’s That Smell?”

I ran the Charm City Reptile and Amphibian Rescue for 14 years (no longer in operation). 

Gag reflex alert: You might want to skip this if you are squeamish or sensitive.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have very little sense of smell. I think it is from many years of using allergy medications when I was younger. They damaged the inside of my nose somehow. I have a range of smells that I can smell, mostly on opposite ends of the smelly scale, really good or really bad. Scented candles? Nope, I generally can’t smell them at all. One good side effect of this problem, or maybe it’s an adaptation I created for myself, I can “turn off” the smell if I want. The only time I truly have a good sense of smell is when I’m severely hungover! Usually, I wish the “hard of smelling” would come back when I’m in that situation.

How is the game played? Sometimes I could smell something horrible – usually a dead animal or an uneaten rodent. Oftentimes, I could smell it, but I couldn’t find the source. With about 100 or more animals in the collection at any given time, there was not always an easy way to find the source of the stench.

Sometimes I would have to call someone over with a better sense of smell and we would play what I liked to call, America’s favorite game show, “What’s That Smell?” That poor unfortunate soul who received the call would usually end up coughing and gagging when said smell was finally identified. Regurgitated rodent is one of the most heinous scents on this earth. It is worse than a dead rodent for sure.

As long as I’m on the topic… sometimes snakes will musk (release a foul-smelling material from their cloaca) when they are afraid. A lot of times, it’s the big, nasty snakes. The teeny-tiny ones will do it too. California kingsnakes and milk snakes are notorious for musking, especially babies or animals that haven’t been handled much.

One time, Chad (a volunteer) and I were cleaning a yellow anaconda’s cage. The snake was nasty. Every time we touched it, it would thrash and musk. Thank goodness it was only about six feet long. If it were 10-12 feet, I don’t think I would be able to deal with it at all. The yellow anacondas don’t get as big as the green ones, but are twice as nasty. A lot of snakes will calm down once they are kept warm enough and fed on a regular basis. No such luck with this particular animal.

The snake was in my office, originally the living room of my house. I figured I spend most of my time in my office, why should I have my office in the basement or the smallest bedroom like most people? I have a den that I use as my living room, and it suited me just fine to have my office big, open, and with lots of light. My house has the most horrible lighting…

Overflow animals are often kept in the office and that was the case with the anaconda. So, Chad reached into the cage to grab him. It must have been winter. I remember that he was wearing a white, long-sleeved sweatshirt. As he grabbed the snake’s neck so it wouldn’t bite him, it’s back end whipped around and thick, disgusting musk flew all over both of us! There is no way to describe the smell, but I’ll try. If you have a cat or dog, they have anal glands next to their butts. Sometimes cats or dogs will have problems with those and scoot across the floor. Or, you might take your cat or dog to the vet and they will express their anal glands (empty them!). That stuff stinks horribly. The anaconda’s musk is so much worse! It’s like cat anal glands on steroids.

It looked like dark mustard, but had the consistency of mayonnaise. The reason I remember the long-sleeved sweatshirt was because one sleeve was covered in the goo. Both of us screamed, then laughed and gagged simultaneously. I had some in my hair. Gross. But, Chad’s clothing was saturated. It was so disgusting. We didn’t have to play “What’s That Smell.” We knew exactly where it was.

Dead animals are something else entirely. Whether it was a rescue that didn’t make it or an uneaten prey item, that is a very distinct smell. One time, I was in the Towson Town Center and I could smell something dead near a potted plant, probably a rodent. It wasn’t strong enough to be anything big. But yes, I have a great nose for death. It’s a horrible gift. The smell is a sickening sweet odor at times. Other times, after a longer period of time, it’s just really disgusting.

Sometimes there were prizes for winning “What’s That Smell?” Maybe I’d buy a pizza for the clean-up crew. Once the offending object was removed and the bag was outside, usually the smell went away quickly. Even now, just thinking about it turns my stomach a little.

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Read more by Holli Friedland.